The Ultimate Poopie List
I'm sure everybody's seen this at least once or twice, but it's definately worth another read. Note: This is not quite as G-rated as it sounds. In other words, don't show your 6-year-old kid brother/sister.
My additions:
The Pre-race Poopie- A universal long-distance/cross country tradition.
The Public Poopie- Any poopie performed at AHS until not too long ago.
Fudge on the "G"- (a.k.a. Fudging a 'G') This poopie was made famous by a trumpet player from the Cadets of Bergan County(?).
The List:
Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but
there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the
toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper
between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with
skid marks.
Second Wave Poopie- It happens when your done poopie-ing, and
you have pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize you
have to poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie- The kind where you strain so
much to get it out, you almost have a stroke.
Richard Simmons Poopie- You poopie so much you lose 30 pounds.
Lincoln Log Poopie- The kind of poopie that is so huge, you're
afraid to flush without breaking it up into little pieces with
the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie- Self Explanatory!
Gee, I Wish I Could Poopie, Poopie- It's the kind where you want
to poopie real bad, but all you do is sit, cramp, and fart a few
times.
Spinal Tap Poopie- That's where it hurts so bad coming out,
you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)- The kind that comes out of
your rectum so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out
of your butt and splatters all over the toilet, and at the same
time chronically burns your tender poop chute.
Mexican Food Poopie- It smells so bad the room is condemned.
The Girlie Poopie- The people that think their poopie doesn't
stink..
Fisherman's Bobber Poopie- That's the kind where you're in the
public rest-room, and there are two people waiting for your
stall. You poopie and flush two times, but several golf
ball-sized pieces are still floating on the water..
The VanGough Poopie- That's where after you poopie, you are
shocked to see all the different colors in your poopie, and try
to figure out what you ate to do it again.
The Show-and-Tell Poopie- You're so impressed with your own
poopie, you leave it in the bowl so all your friends can
appreciate it too
The Wipers Nightmare- That's the kind that breaks off too soon,
so half falls in to the bowl and half stays hanging.
Ambush Poopie- That's when your in public and you think you have
to fart, but you get a sneak attack squirt instead.
Paralyzing Poopie- When you're sitting poopie-ing so long your
legs fall asleep.
He Just Poopied, Poopie- When you get done poopie-ing, you put
your shorts back on and go out in public with those identifying
bright red pressure circles on the back of your legs for all to
see.
The "What Crawled Up Your Butt & Died?" Poopie- Also sometimes
referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone
of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently
near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and
gasping for air.
The Snake Charmer Poopie- A long skinny poopie which has managed
to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Ritual Poopie- This poopie occurs at the same time each day
and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Ranger Poopie- A poopie which refuses to let go. It is
usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but
quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small
piece of toilet paper.
The Premeditated Poopie- Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
The Porridge Poopie- The type that comes out like toothpaste,
and justkeeps on coming. You have two choices: 1) Flush and keep
going. 2) Risk it piling up to your crack while you sit there
helpless.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven Poopie- An adorable collection of small
turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you cannot
poopie.
The Peek-A-Boo Poopie- Now you see it, now you don't! This
poopie is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle
control.
The Mood Enhancer- This poopie occurs after a lengthy period of
constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The "I Think I'm A Bunny" Poopie- When you drop lots of cute,
little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing
sounds when they hit the water.
The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Poopie- When the bag of
Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your poop
shoot on the way out in the morning.
The Honeymoon's Over Poopie- This is any poopie created in the
presence of another person.
The Groaner- A poopie so huge it cannot exit without vocal
assistance.
The Energizer Poopie- "Still Going!"
The Crowd Pleaser- This poopie is so intriguing in size and/or
appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Cliffhanger- Where you just sit there patiently and wait for
the last cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe now it's
going to smear all over the place.
The Back-To-Nature Poopie- This poopie may be of any variety but
is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind
the passenger side of your car. Beware of poison ivy wipes.
The Aftershock Poopie- This poopie has an odor so powerful that
anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is
affected.
The Terminator- You poopie so hard you fall off the toilet.
T2- More extreme then The Terminator, you require some medical
assistance to restart your heart. Clear!
The Cowboy- You've got to poopie so bad that you proceed to buck
and holler until finally the poopie's been tamed.
The Runner's Poopie- Experienced by long distance runners who
don't want to stop so they poopie in their shorts. (inspired by
Jeff Reigal of BadAxe, MI)
Poopszopherenia- Fear of poopie-ing, can be fatal!
The Pool Poopie- Usually performed by younger children. It's too
much fun in the pool so why get out? Makes a great floatie toy
afterwards!
Painter's Poopie- You're up on the scaffolding and it takes to
long to get down so you just cramp it and wait.
Lost Poopie- That's when there's a poopie in the urinal.
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