Life's Little Lessons.

· Just because it fits in your mouth doesn't mean you should put it in there.
· Contrary to popular belief, cats and car car washes don't mix.
· Also contrary to popular belief, valve oil is no subsitute for a good pencil.
· Your computer will crash right before you save the last half hour's worth of work on the paper due tomorrow. It will take 2 hours to remember what you wrote.
· No matter how hard you try, you will not
fit your hand through that crack between the car seats far enough to grab whatever it was that fell down there.
· Sooner or later, you are going to forget your own name and/or phone number.
· Pay phones have phone numbers too.
· Drinking an orange through a straw only works if you have a really juicy orange.
· CD's make good frisbees. Plungers can be thrown so that they stick to the wall.
· Anything ill-gained is vastly more interesting.
· It helps to remember that our parents came from the generation that bought pet rocks.
· Polytones are cool. (i.e. try whistling singing simultaniously.)
· Grapes will spark in the microwave. Cut one 99% in half leaving two halfs connected by the skin and put them face down on a plate.
· Label makers in the wrong hands can be a dangerous thing.
· Naps are under-rated.
· You can really heat up the metal strip on a ruler by quickly rubbing it on the rubber on your shoe.
· You can make fart sounds with your neck if you're skinny enough, or with your hands if you're talented.
· Bugs are drawn to sweat. And septic tanks.
· Everybody has a scar, injury, or other oddity they like to show off.
· Speakers and stereos pick up radio waves. You can hear them if you listen hard enough.