To the tune of "American Pie"

Millennium Pie

A long, long time ago... I can still remember how
Computers used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make electrons dance,
And maybe I'd be happy for a while.
~
But January made me shiver,
it chilled me deep down in my liver,
Bad news I'd collected...
I couldn't get connected.
~
I can't remember back that day
When I first knew the Y2K
But something touched me anyway,
The day computers died.
~
So, ...Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire
~
Can you write in C plus plus ?
And do you have faith in your local bus
If the driver tells you so ?
~
Do you believe in Compaq's goals
Can software save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to type real slow ?
~
Well I thought that you were prepared
'Cause your memo said you weren't impaired
Your stationery's swell
But you can go to hell
~
I was a lonely teenage Unix hack
With an incantation and a modem jack
but I knew the cat had left the sack
The day computers died
I started singin'...
~
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire
~
Now for 10 years we've ignored the threat
And we haven't solved the problem yet
But that's not how it used to be
~
When the luddites read for the king and queen
with a light they filled with kerosene
And some manuals they stole from you and me
~
And while Bill Gates was looking pleased
Time stole his monopolies
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
~
While Apple tried a color scheme
The engineers returned to steam
And we had purges of their dreams
The day computers died
We were singin'
~
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire
~
Intel inside in an iron smelter
The food leftover from my fallout shelter
Twinkies old and aging fast
~
I'd rather eat the grass
~
Q and A tried for a system crash
With the tester on the sidelines in a cast
~
Now the timeshare net was running Doom
While mainframes played a marching tune
We all tried to log in
Oh, but we never could begin
~
'Cause Cobol tried to take the field,
And Holerith refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed,
The day computers died?
We started singing
~
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire
~
There we were all in a state
A generation- really late
With no time left to start again
~
So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick
Don't let my spreadsheet data stick
'Cause data is the devil's only friend.
~
As I watched him on my screen
My hands and face were drenched in steam
No angel born in hell
Could run that stupid shell
~
And as the ball climbed high into the night
To call the sacrificial night
I saw Dick Clark laughing with delight
the day computers died.
~
I met a girl with a cell phone
And I asked her for a dial tone
But she just smiled and turned away
~
I went down to the software store
Where I'd seen computers years before
But the man there said the games there wouldn't play
~
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
their interface was spoken
The Internet was broken
~
And the three things I connect to most
The Website, Lan and the Network host
Every single one was toast
The day computers died
They were singin'
~
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
this will be the day I retire

~

Copyright Scott McNulty.
July 1999.